45 is Oh So Fine! 45, It's Time to Whine

35 + 10
50 - 5

I’ve been helping with math homework.  It seems like all I do lately, help with homework. I am forty-five today, but I’m actually in fifth grade.

I’ve (re)learned that there are several ways to mathematically express a number, and in my case today, I’m not really digging the result of these equations.

The last one completely terrifies me.

There was something anticlimactic about turning forty, the whole right-of-passage, forty-is-the-new-thirty thing.

Nobody says forty-five is the new thirty-five.

Haven’t heard it.  Need to start it.

Forty-five feels very much like fifty minus five.

And there’s no coming back from fifty.

When you’re in your forties, you can still kind of pretend that you’re in your thirties and get away with it. But once the Big 5-0 hits…well, I’m picturing tombstones and bad Over the Hill decorations.

I know in my head that I have nothing to fear.  There are lots of fabulous women I know in their 50s and beyond.

But this isn’t a logical thing going on here with me today.

This is like a weird itchy, scratchy feeling behind my eyeballs that started when David Bowie’s Young Americans came on the radio on my way home from driving Little Man to school.  I’ve loved this song since I heard it in Sixteen Candles in 1984, sparking an obsession with classic Bowie that continues to this day.

I sat at a stop light and thought, “Do I still fit into the category of Young Americans?”  I feel like I do, but my birth certificate says probably not.

Isn’t it strange how our brains freeze at a certain point in our twenties or thirties, and that’s where we stay? I can tell you that I do not feel forty-five.  I believe that when I’m fifty, I will not feel fifty.

In my mind, I am forever stuck somewhere between fifteen and thirty-two, with only the reality of my children and my thighs to bring me back to the present.

But don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright. It’s healthy to think about mortality every once in a while. It keeps us on our toes and ensures that we align ourselves with what’s most important to us.  

For me today, it’s friends and family, my super cool husband who indulges my rock star crushes, and my children who give me all the warm fuzzies when they’re not driving me to drink.

And of course, there will be lots of music today. Blaring from my computer, in my car, and through my earbuds in between.

First up, from David Bowie: The Singles 1969-1993

Turn and face the strange
Oh, look out you rock 'n' rollers
Turn and face the strange
Pretty soon now you're gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time


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