I've Sunk to a New Motherhood Low, and it's Confession Time


Do you ever feel like this?

 
Or maybe a better question is, do you ever not feel like this?
We each have our own unique set of plates we’re spinning, but we can all relate to the feeling of teetering on the edge, trying to keep all the plates airborne.
I have a confession to make.  I dropped a plate.  A big one.
I completely forgot to pick up my two year old from preschool yesterday. 
Totally.  Forgot.   
And I wasn’t even doing anything important.  I was pulling weeds in the yard and watering plants.
I really have no idea what happened, except that my brain hit a glitch, as a result of old age or old fashioned exhaustion.
When the school called at 2:15 wondering where I was, the reality of what I’d done was too much for me to handle, so I sputtered out an excuse about how my driveway had been blocked, and that’s why I was late.
So, I forgot to pick up my kid, and then I lied about it.
I lied.
I apologized profusely to the school secretary and promised I’d be there in ten minutes.  As I jumped in the car and frantically raced to school, I suffered all of the following:  shock, self-loathing, anger (at myself), fear (what’s wrong with me??), disgust and desperation.
I am not a person who does things like this.  In case you don’t know me, I’m not a flake.  I am many things, and certainly not perfect, but, by God, I am reliable.
If I say I’m going to be somewhere at a certain time, I am there.  Usually five minutes early.  I once had a boss write on my performance review that I am the Canadian Mountie of employees.  I always deliver.
Until now.
I can make lots of excuses about why this happened: old age, stressed out, overscheduled, forgot what day it was, etc.
But the reality is…I messed up.  I made a mistake.
Luckily, Baby Boy was at a safe place, and he was completely happy to have a few extra minutes to play.  He was no worse for the wear.
I, on the other hand, was, and still am, a complete wreck.  I didn’t know if I could even tell anyone what I’d done.  But the Catholic in me knew I had to confess. 
First stop: a good friend who’s known me for 25 years.  Her reaction?  Laughter.  That’s right, she laughed at me.  She said, “Jen, I think this is good for you.  You’re someone who always has her t’s crossed and i’s dotted, and it’s good for you to let something slip through the cracks and see that it’s not the end of the world.”
Whoa!
Maybe she’s right?  I started to cut myself a little slack.
But no, that nagging sensation to flog myself continued, so I decided to go for Confession #2.  And where did I go?  Scary Mommy.  Because some of those people are confessing crazy shit that my brain can’t even comprehend, so I knew I’d feel better comparing myself to the seriously disturbed masses. 
 
And look, I got 4 “likes,” 78 “hugs,” and 4 “OMG, me too!”  For some reason, those 78 hugs from the mentally deranged didn’t do the trick for me, so I decided to confess to Husband.  His response?  “Don’t feel bad, I’m sure I’d do that too, if I was in charge of the kids.”  Well, duh.  That doesn’t help me.
After confiding in a couple more friends and hearing their stories of being forgotten by their own mothers as a kid, I’m starting to feel much better.  And maybe my friend is right.  Maybe this is good for me to see that I can “drop a plate” and the world will not fall off its axis. 
I am not perfect, and the world will forgive me for that.
But the confession process won’t be complete until I hit “Publish” on this post.  And if even one tired, crazed and overworked mom who’s done the same thing reads this and feels better, it’s worth it.  And I know I will feel better.
So, here goes nothing.
Now pass the wine and the king-sized Kit-Kat bar, and I’ll retire to my Happy Place for the night. 

Have you ever forgotten to do something really important?  If so, please make me feel better and tell me about it.  If not, just move along quietly back to your perfect life.
 

Comments

  1. Over my nearly 12 years of being a mom I've forgotten what I've forgotten! :) Yes I've left my kid at school, forgotten it was picture day, failed to pack a sack lunch on field trip day and the list goes on. But I never forget to say I love you to them!

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    1. You are so right! As long as we don't forget to say I love you, it's all good!!

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  2. My mom forgot to pick me up from kindergarten once. I do still remember it but not as a negative. I had a great time hanging with the teachers. Im sure no one is any worse for wear. I can't begin to tell you how much I forgot to do for my own kid. Most recently I was to marry he and his bride (Im a JP) and was going to change when I got to the church but I forgot my suit. Always something!...and here's the good news...it never stops!

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    1. I hear you! I know there are many more forgetful times to come. I think the first is the hardest, so glad I made it through.

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  3. Don't beat yourself up; you'll never forget again and your boy is too young to remember that you did once. Big hug, and not from someone who's mentally deranged!

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  4. Give yourself a hug! You are right in saying your kiddo enjoyed the extra play time... give him extra hugs this weekend and you will feel better!

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    1. Thanks! I am feeling better knowing I am not the only one who's ever done this :)

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  5. interesting that it happened and you were for that brief moment relaxed - ha! it's a like a slap in the head saying, mommy's can't relax ever - see!!!
    it happens. sometimes we have a mental blurp. really don't beat yourself up at all. we may be moms, but we're just human.

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    1. Thanks and you are so right. My brain was obviously so relaxed it didn't want to come back from its vacation.

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  6. Aw don't beat yourself up. All was well and he wasn't even stressed. When they are a bit older, the worry when you aren't on time!

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  7. ((( hugs ))) from someone who may or may not be mentally deranged but can totally empathize. This whole "responsible adult" thing is stressful and plates are bound to drop at one time or another.

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    1. Ha, thanks, Larks! It is tough keeping the responsible adult thing going.

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  8. I think it's funny that you tried so hard to confess your "crime" but everyone was so laid back about it! I'd be beating myself up like mad, too, but as you said, he was safe and everything was okay.

    I forgot to show up for work once. It was an extra shift I'd picked up, on a day and time I didn't usually work. I got a call 30min after I was supposed to start, and I was in bed, fast asleep. I didn't even have the mental power available to come up with a good lie, so I just raced to dress and drive, then slunk in to work, all embarrassed!

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    1. Yes, everyone seems to be going much easier on me than I am on myself. Isn't that always the way?

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  9. How fun that your child get extra play time at school! I bet he loved it! Totally different than if you had been, say, several hours late. I'm sure you're not the first parent to arrive late...or to need a reminder call :)
    As part of my job I'm foten in people's homes and you'd be amazed how many times they hear a sound and look completely confused, then say "Oh my gosh! My child's bus is here!!" It arrives at the same time every day, but that doesn't matter.

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    1. I know, he was happy, it is just freaky to realize that our minds can just get totally frozen like that! You've made me feel better knowing others do this, too.

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  10. Your child *got* extra play time...

    Also, I'm *often* in people's homes.

    Good grief. Sorry about that.

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  11. Good for you for talking to people about it. Very healthy. I locked my 18 month old in a hot car. Thankfully I was right there and knew to call 911 because my friend had done the same thing just a few days before. It was awful. I cried the rest of the day. She was fine, I was a total wreck. I think I did it because I put her in the car in a different way than I usually did. Being a parent is hard. Enjoy your wine!

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    1. I'm glad your story has a happy ending, as mine did, too. This parenting gig is totally hard!!!

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  12. I am madly in love with this photo! It suits me.......too much for a single person, don't you think?!

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    1. Glad you like the pic! I had fun drawing it. And I could still add a few more plates :) Definitely too much...

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    2. I like how "school" is on your butt :)

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  13. I forgot to buckle my son into his car seat a couple of months ago. I was horrified thinking about what could have happened. It took me two weeks to confess it to my husband.

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    1. It is horrifiying in that moment when you realize what you've done. I feel much better after confessing!

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    2. This is hilarious and who can't relate to that? I am glad he was somewhere safe and I am glad you had outlets for confessing!

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  14. I have been the forgotten and the forgettee. Both make for great stories later. After all, it IS all about the stories, no?

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    1. This is definitely going to make a great story someday. When I stop feeling sick to my stomach every time I think about it.

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