Slacker Mom Returns to Preschool
It was a Wednesday night, I could feel a sore throat coming on, and all I wanted to do was stay home, read my book and go to bed early. But tonight was Orientation Night at Baby Boy’s preschool, and I’m not the type of mom who skips official things like orientations. At least I used to be. I seriously considered skipping this time.
What could they possibly tell me that I didn’t already know or could find out on the website? And I had been through this school with my older daughter, so I knew the drill. But Mommy Guilt got the best of me, and I didn’t want to skimp out on Child #2, as I’ve often been guilty of doing lately.
So, I hoisted myself into a respectable-looking dress, dabbed some Dermablend on the spider veins that peeked out from under the hem, and shoved my feet into a pair of wedge heels, cankles and all.
I arrived at school, and upon entering the meeting room, I immediately noticed there was something different about these women. None of them had any gray hairs. Their faces and thighs were all naturally tight, and not a spider vein to be found. There were no elephant knees. They looked excited to be here.
And there were husbands! My brain started to compute that these people actually hired babysitters, so they could BOTH be present at the all-important preschool orientation.
And then I remembered that we did that with Child #1. It all started coming back to me…the nervous excitement, the worrying, the caring so very much. Man, times have changed in my house.
Waiting for the show to start, I couldn’t help but hear snippets of the conversations going on around me. Two former sorority girls behind me chatted excitedly about a new playgroup they were starting for their little darlings. Moms and Dads earnestly thumbed through the school brochure, scrutinizing the policies and procedures. I slumped in my seat at the end of the row and popped a cough drop in my mouth.
The head administrator finally took the podium, and within the context of “telling us a little bit about herself” proclaimed, “I have two grown daughters. The oldest is 42, so she’s a bit older than you all.”
Whaaaaaat? Hold up, did she just say what I think she said? Dang, I really am the oldest living species in the room.
The shock of this realization prevented me from absorbing much of anything else that was said. But I’m sure if I missed anything important, I can get the info from one of the Eager-Beaver moms around me who was furiously taking notes, scribbling down all the important PTO dates, details about the Silent Auction, etc. I didn’t even bring a pen.
Then it was time to head to the classrooms. The other mommies were already there, quizzing Baby Boy’s teacher about the curriculum and how many days a week the children would have their various enrichment activities, like motor skills and music. I'm surprised no one asked if the two year olds would be taught proper “phonetics” as part of their advanced learning.
More questions followed about what over-the-top sugary food items we could bring for the class on our kid’s birthday.
Really? We have to do that? They’re two! They don’t even know they’re having a birthday! And if they do, they don’t know enough to think they’ve been slighted if their mother doesn’t bring homemade, gluten-free, zoo animal-shaped organic sugar cookies with vegan glitter icing.
Ugh. These bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, twenty-eight year old, first-time mommies are setting the bar way too high. And I have no chance of keeping up, so I made the decision right then and there not to even try.
I know I am a grumpy, old, cynical mom who will probably be looked down upon for not showing up to the Parent Coffee or volunteering at the Book Fair. Both of which I did, the first time around, mind you. I even beat out the competition for Room Mom several times.
But I’ve been there, done that, and basically… I’m over it.
All I want to know is what time is drop off, and how late can I pick him up before you charge me.
Can you relate? Are you an old Slacker Mom, like me? Or a young Eager Beaver Mom? Or somewhere in between? I love that we are all in this together.