Surviving the Tag-Team Family Vacay

I could hear the familiar high-pitched, piercing shriek as I reluctantly approached the kiddie pool.  I scanned the droves of assorted mommies in their skirted swimsuits.  Some lily-white and others already a crispy shade of burnt sienna.  Wrangling and wrestling with their water-logged munchkins.
Among the few dads, I spotted my Hubby, chasing behind our wailing wee-one, who was intent upon conquering a water slide that was a bit out of his league.
I knew I should have stayed upstairs, ordered room service and watched a chick-flick off pay-per-view.  I could have faked a migraine, and no one would have been the wiser. 
But here I am, and I did feel sorry for Hubby, as I’ve been in his shoes countless times.  I tried to intervene, sing-songing, “Mama’s here!  Everything’s OK!”  But Baby Boy was already too far gone.
I tried my best to soothe him, but the wailing continued.  As he flip-flopped in my arms like a giant marlin freshly reeled-in, a woman and her two older kids came around the corner. 
Instead of giving me a sympathetic glance, the universal secret handshake of moms, she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at us.
That’s right, she just stared. 
With that judgy-mommy look that says, “My kids were never this bad.”
Hmph.  “You wanna piece of me?” I’m thinking.
Luckily, Hubby came around the corner with our bags, snatched Baby Boy out of my arms and whisked him off and out of the pool complex, calling over his shoulder, “you stay here with Big Sister and relax for a bit.”
Well, heck yeah, now I really needed a drink.  With Big Sister off on the water slides, I decided to park myself on a lawn chair by the family pool and order a cold beverage. 
I gazed at that beautiful beer and felt quite content.  It’s a beer in a plastic cup in San Antonio.  But I’m alone with it, and it’s mine, all mine.  So it might as well be champagne in a crystal flute in St. Tropez.
After a few cool sips, I’m finally starting to relax.  I feel like Will Farrell in the Frank the Tank beer-bong scene from Old School…”once it hits your lips, it’s so good!”
Big Sister comes back from the slides and quickly heads off for a spin on the lazy river.  I calculate that she’ll be gone a minimum of 15 minutes, and an intriguing thought pops into my head.
Maybe I’ll mosey on over to the adult pool.  Dare I attempt to penetrate the other-world of the married-without-kids and young single girls in bikinis?  Me, in my skirted mommy swimsuit?  I’m so desperate for a few moments of silence, I just can’t resist.
It’s so good, it feels bad.  Like I’m doing something really naughty.
As I slide into the cool, still water and take my spot at the infinity edge overlooking the Texas hills, I feel a sense of euphoria that will hopefully carry me through the remainder of our sure to be tantrum-filled family vacation.
If I’m lucky, I may even get to spend some time with Hubby, as opposed to just crossing paths with him in the hallway.
For now, I’m going to enjoy this fleeting moment in time as a normal person.
Now where’s that waitress…

read to be read at yeahwrite.me

Comments

  1. I hate that look - and when it comes from people you know - it's even worse!

    Alicia

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    1. Oh, you are right. I've had that happen, too, and it's definitely worse. Strangers are easier to hate!

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  2. Tell that Judgy-Mommy that she's getting a piece of all of us normal moms--we all understand and "get" you!

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    1. Ha, ha, thanks for the backup! I think some moms forget what it's like once their kids get older. I vow I will never do that!!

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  3. Pish Pish. If you were really stressed, you wouldn't be calling for the waitress. You'd need that cabana boy.

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    1. Well, you know I only had 15 minutes... ;)

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  4. "I knew I should have stayed upstairs, ordered room service and watched a chick-flick off pay-per-view."

    THAT is awesome! I totally did that on my honeymoon when my ex wanted to do some dumb touristy crap I had no interest in.

    It works. And I'd do it again.

    And yeah, judgey mom will get hers. Karma. It hits when you leeeeast expect it.

    =)

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    1. Ha, ha! Chick flick on PPV is the perfect escape from screaming children or stupid outings with an ex :)

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  5. Aw, telly judgey mom to step off. You're on vacation.

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    1. I think if Hubby hadn't saved me, I would have told her more than "step off"...ha, ha.

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  6. It's good that you got some time to relax, even if it was only 15 minutes! My husband and I haven't gone to a resort since our pre-kid days. We take them camping since there's less judgey mommy types in the woods!

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    1. Good point! I need to start frequenting the woods!!!

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  7. I am just so jealous of that beer and those few moments as a normal person... I want that 15 minutes. :)

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    1. Yeah, it's amazing how far 15 minutes like that will take you!

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  8. First off, hooray for tag team parenting!
    Secondly, I can't stand when people judge others, let alone giving you a look because your toddler is acting like, well, a toddler.
    I hope your 15 minutes was everything I dream it would be!
    :-)
    Dawn
    (From this week's Competitive Grid)

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    1. Thanks, Dawn! I loved my 15 minutes! Heaven on earth! Look forward to checking out your post on the "real" grid :)

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  9. Great post! It made me laugh and remember some early vacations with my own kids, who are now 11 and 13. When they were young, sometimes the vacation felt like more work than staying home. But it kept getting progressively easier. Three years ago, we drove across the country to Yellowstone with them (we live near Chicago), and they were troupers. I think I whined more than they did. This summer we're taking them to Italy for 12 days. We figure we need to get that trip in before the teenage attitudes hit high gear.

    Anyway, hang in there, mama. I know it's hard to believe, but it really does get less stressful and more enjoyable.

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    1. Thank you for the reality check, Kathleen! I know it will get easier. I'm sure we will look back on these tantrum-days fondly, at some point :)

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  10. Your 15 minutes sound DIVINE!

    Been there with the judgey mom...GRRRR!

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    1. "I'd rather have 15 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special!" My favorite quote from Steel Magnolias.

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  11. I admire you for controlling yourself. Oh, I now feel like smacking that judgy mommy in the face! The nerve!
    That beer looks so tempting! I haven't had one in ages. Nothing beats "me" time with a bit of alcohol...

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    1. Oh yes, get yourself a beer, stat!!! It creates instant happiness! :)

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  12. Where can I get a cute skirted mommy bathing suit?

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    1. Target! At least that's where I found mine. I've also seen some fabulous looking options at Athleta, but their prices are not so fabulous :)

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  13. “You wanna piece of me?” Ha! I know that feeling. I just want to smack people when they get all judgey about my kids. Mamma Bear comes out fists flailing.

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