Separation Anxiety Attack
Is it normal that my 1st grader still has problems leaving me sometimes? And is it normal that I’m questioning if this is normal? Most people I confide in say the same thing…savor it now, because one day, in the blink of an eye, really, she will outgrow it.
And knowing my daughter and the way she is now, I find this hard to believe. But clinical research and my own personal experience tell me that one day, she will indeed grow up and leave me.
And at times, that is a tough pill to swallow.
I know, I know, I am always making cracks about how I can’t wait until I get my life back…my life…when these children are older and more independent. But the question I ask myself now is, what really IS my life?
I’m afraid my life before children doesn’t fit me anymore. My hips are bigger, but so is my heart. When the time comes, I’ll need a new my life. It’ll be a hybrid of the pre-kids egocentric existence and the post-kids mama-centric reality.
Not sure what all that will entail, but I know it will be fabulous.
For now, I am going to stop worrying if it’s normal that my daughter tears up when it’s time for her to go back to class after Parent Lunch. “I love you, “ I tell her. “Go with your teacher now.” And she reluctantly joins the single-file line of little ducks in a row. Her ponytail bobbing up and down and her shoelaces threatening to come untied. Carrying her Hello Kitty lunchbox.
At the last minute, she turns and looks back at me, and I can see tears streaming down her little face. And instead of asking myself if this is normal, I cherish the moment and know these days are fleeting. Even though most of the other kids aren't upset to leave their mothers, and I can’t explain why she is.
Hubby likes to console me by saying it’s because I’m such a good mother.
And sometimes, I let myself believe him.