So, since my last post, I’ve been attacked by fire ants, accosted by a snake in the pool and almost stung by a wasp. Apparently, I have angered the Male-Ego Gods. But hey, I had this coming anyways. So in the name of fair and balanced coverage, I feel the need to give the other side of the story on That Darn Y Chromosome.
I survived the two weekends in a row of single-mothering, and we are back into the routine of divide and conquer. Now that I’m getting some backup, we’ve gotten a date-night under our belts, and I’m not perched on the edge of insanity ready to jump, I’m able to sit back and appreciate all that the Y Chromosome gets right. You know, at the end of the day (or at the end of life, for that matter), what do all the little things really matter? The cleanliness issues, forgetfulness, general male boorishness, etc. do not define the man. In my book, there are four things that define the man: who he is, who he says he is, what he does and whom he loves.
Let’s start with #1: who he is. This is pretty obvious. It matters more that he has a good heart than it does that he is incapable of loading the dishwasher properly. It’s more important that he lifts me up with his encouraging words and praise, than it does that he only pretends to listen to me when the game is on. I know that, inarguably, he’s one of the good ones.
And just as important, #2, he is who he says he is. Anyone who’s ever met my hubby knows he does not put on airs or pretend to be something he’s not. He’s just a regular, everyday guy who loves his wife and family, watching sports and music. Not flashy, and somewhat shy. Pretty simple tastes and even simpler expectations.
#3 is pivotal, too, because, what’s that old saying? Actions speak louder than words? Well, my man delivers. Most of the time. He’s not perfect, but then again, neither am I. I’m sure you’re shocked to learn this. But for the most part, he does what he says and says what he does. That’s all that matters to me.
And lastly, whom does he love? The fact that I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me and our children is comforting beyond measure. In this crazy world we live in, it’s so easy to be distracted and venture off track. I know that he is committed to me and our family, and I pinky-swear that I do not take that lightly.
So, amidst the daily frustrations and nit-picky grievances, the big picture always comes into focus at the end. No, we are not perfect. Yes, we bitch and gripe at each other from time to time. We are not Ward and June. But I think we come out OK, and our kids shouldn’t need too much therapy, in the end.
Bottom line message to the Y-chromes, we ladies mostly just want to feel appreciated and loved. We want to feel like you notice the personal sacrifices we make during the course of the day while taking care of the children. We want to feel like we don’t blend into the background. That we are not invisible.
See, we don’t get raises, performance reviews or even kudos, so we need you to throw us a bone every now and then: a nice evening out that YOU plan and orchestrate. Getting up with the kids early on a Saturday morning, so that we can sleep in. Fixing us a to-go cup of coffee in the morning before rushing off to carpool line. Forgoing the Rush concert special on VH1, so that we can watch HGTV…gasp!
I have to say, through the years, my man has gotten better about these little things. See, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks! But sometimes the cracks still surface. But, the way I look at it, it’s kind of like buying a house…there may be some little things that bother you about the house, but you can live with them because, overall, it has “good bones.” The rest of the stuff is just on the surface. And that’s exactly how I feel about my one and only. He gets the Big Stuff right. And he kills snakes and bugs. So, I think I’ll keep him.